Feb. 11th, 2007

sassyamy: (Music Is Love)
Tonight was the last performance of Urinetown. This also marks the last performance of my last musical at Cheshire Academy. I've been in 5 musicals, and I've been involved in 10 shows total my 6 years at this school. The theatre has been my life for the past 6 years. It's been a place for laughs, cries, a place for me to be myself, be someone I'm not, a place for me to be out there, but also a place to hide. I know I've still got one more show here, but the musicals are my real theatre salvation. I love to sing and dnce, and perform, and that little theatre, as much as I hate it for it's lack of heat, is one of my favorite places in the world.

And now it's over.

The hardest part of tonight was the receiving line at the end of the show. After our bows, all the actors run offstage and down a back staircase down to the front hall where the audience has to go to get out the the theatre, so we get to meet everyone. Tonight was hard because both of my former directors were there, as well as former co-stars, and my family. I started tearing up a little bit as everyone passed, and I thought about how this was the last time I would do this for a musical. My mom and dad, plus my aunt, uncle and cousins came down and gave me flowers, and I started to cry a little more.

Then my leading man gave me a dozen red roses, and I lost it. I was bawling for a good 10 minutes, and I didn't want the night to end. If I could have it my way, I would never, ever stop performing this show. I would gladly do this show every night for the rest of my life if it meant never having to leave this school, this theatre, my cast. As a senior, it's extra hard. And I really feel like this is MY cast. One of the directors and I were talking after the cast party, and it was just us in the theatre. She said, "I'm glad you're the last one to leave. Every show we do, there's one person who's an anchor, who we know is going to put all they have into the show and keep it going no matter what. You're the anchor for this show, and I should be thanking YOU instead of the other way around, because you made this show what it is. So, thank you."

I couldn't have asked for a better send off.

ANGST!!!!!

Feb. 11th, 2007 11:03 pm
sassyamy: (Default)
Okay, so I'm officially writing my first ANGSTY!ENTRY! Yay! I am so fucking sick of Valentine's Day. There's so much pressure to have someone to love, so it makes those of us who are incapable of finding someone feel like killing themselves. I think that Valentine's Day should be abolished completely. I dont' like seeing other people being happy and expect me to be happy for them when I can't. I'm a jealous and resentful creature, I can't help it. My roomie is dating a guy that I once liked, which is difficult in itself (don't wprry, I'm over it), and the both of them find if absolutely neccissary to share every fucking detail about how happy they are with me. And then they both ask me my opinon about what they should do. If they paid a little attention, maybe they would see that I DONT FUCKING CARE! What YOU do is not MY job to decide. Do it your fucking selves. I feel like I'm in a 3 way relationship, and I'm getting the short end of the stick. Again with the third wheel-age.
I am NOT excited about Wednesday. I'm hoping I'll get some flowers from someone, but at the same time I know I won't. Plus, I get to deliver OTHER people's flowers (I DID volunteer, so it's my fault). And lord knows I'm gonna wear red and pink, because I always do, but I still hate the holiday. Thank god I've got this loverly journal to vent in and that I'm going to see my therapist tomorrow, I feel the need to break something. I'm not gonna hurt myself or someone else, but this has just been a bad weekend. The show ended yesterday, today is my (abusive) ex-boyfriend's birthday, which means I can't help but think of him. I HATE FEBRUARY! It's cold, the musicals end, my sister gets her birthday, it's the birthday month of my abusive ex, my ex best friend, and Valentine's Day.

How is it possible for me to go from one extreme to the other like this? I mean, I was having a great time with my roomie earlier today, and I was happy. Now I just wanna slap her! She gave me a five-star tonight (she slapped me so hard it left a handprint), which didn't make me a happy camper. That's what sarted my bad mood, I think.

Alas, it's time for me to go to bed, listening to my roomie sweet talk with her almost-boyfriend.

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